Saturday, August 27, 2016

When I Grow Up

As a young girl, I wanted to be a princess. With an elaborate tiara and pink, dainty slippers. To have the gowns and shoes, with daily talks over tea and sweets.
Yes, that is what I first wanted. Then I thought to be stuck in a tower with some impulsive prince to come rescue me from a time where I am free of responsibility, would be no pleasure. Because the world is not as nice as my little tower would've been.
 For a while, I thought it might be fun to be a powerful dragon spewing careless flame not giving way to the emotions that came. I knew what it was like to be hurt, because I had waited for forever and a day for a prince to come rescue me. Many princes did walk by, but they never noticed me in my tall tower.  Now, inhaling a breath of wind, to exhale a combustion of memories, reeking of seclusion and havoc, I had no care for the fate of princes.
After a time, I wished to nevermore be that monster, so, I became a dragon reduced to the qualities of a lizard. A lizard that had scales like a fish. Part scales and part lady, swimming in an ocean of gaiety, I dreamed of the caves as a secret between the waves.  A mermaid was I, and I had no Flounder. I was alone and the world was full of hurt. So I came up and walked on dirt.
I grew up some and became a young adult, and I wanted to be a hero. To save the day and fly away, defeating the strife of this world and saving those around me. Though I tried on a cape, my feats never amounted to great. My feet would never separate against the pull of the world, the pull of responsibilities that came with growing old.  I moved from town to town, but still I was ground-bound. Forever the air I breathe: the life I lead, my own version of kryptonite.
I grew up and stayed up late, making for sleepless nights. Working hard, I had no strength left to try on my super-suit. Soon I said: I just want to never grow up. Because growing up means making the hard choice, being brave, being bold, and so much more. I didn't want to be old.
I wanted to be a princess full of pert, a dragon free from hurt, a mermaid on dirt, a hero wearing a casual shirt. Simply, I'm a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be completed. Pieces of myself are tucked away in the hearts of those who love me. Perhaps, I'll always be nothing but a mystery.  Time will tell, as grandparents unfold their stories to grandchildren: "Once upon a time, before I grew up..."

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