Pictures of Rose Flowers

As you may have noticed, this is not a regular post. I just wanted to take a break from writing and show my readers some of the pictures I've taken. Also, I don't have any of my many projects publishing-ready yet. Yes, most of the pictures below are rose flowers (thanks to the last post I wrote). You may recognize some images from other spots on my website. I thought it was time to present them properly for once. Enjoy!

Resplendent Rose

One Among Millions

Stiff Dragon Guard

Unique

Wrinkles in the Wake (of Memory)

(The hand in this one is my Grandfather's.)

That concludes it for this month. Shout out to Gibbs Gardens for letting the public view and photograph their landscape. Thanks for reading! 

Lonely & Loved #NoCommonRose

The land wide with flowers,
With a need to be ours.
But some are sticks who's
Petals are nothing but tricks.

#NoCommonRose

Loneliness has been a constant, ever-residing pain for me. It's something I struggle to fight.

Thoughts of insignificance are burning into my heart daily. It's a deep and dark place.

*    *     *    *    *

It is so easy to get caught up in comparisons and look at what others have.  Somehow, we get caught up thinking "the grass is greener on the other side". 

We can be jealous with even the non-material things people have. More attention, talent, and affection are some of the more common things I find myself wishing I had.

It's hard not be jealous sometimes. 

That is part of where my loneliness comes from. I get caught up thinking: if I only had a stylish wardrobe, if I only had their attitude about life, or if I only had someone who cared for me all the time, life would be better and more people would love me. Thinking that what I have and how I'm loved are determined by the same source is stupid, but it is a real struggle. 

Trying to blame my loneliness on something I don't have is easy, but it's wrong.

When the feelings of being unlovable creep into my heart I feel utterly alone.

*    *    *    *    *

I can hold everything, but my own heart

I keep leaning it onto someone else

But that, my friend, is an awkward weight 

that no one wishes to bear.

Heavy heart.

*    *    *    *    *

That got deep so let's talk science for a minute. Did you know everything that has matter has a certain rate at which the particles in the object moves? Each object has certain wave frequencies.  If another wave has the same frequency as an object, the object starts moving about visibly. (There are videos of wind matching the frequencies of bridges, which are pretty epic. I recommend looking them up after you finish reading this.)
I imagine people are like that too. Our frequencies could be based on personality, experiences, and tendencies.  When you find someone with your frequency, you get along well, you bring out the best in the other person, and you encourage each other.  There are many people looking for someone to match their frequency, someone to be there through the ups and downs. 

Often, I try to think about things I have been blessed with, and, people who do still love me to avoid a night of sobbing ugliness. When I think about the blessings I have, it doesn't make the loneliness go away, but it reminds me of what is really important.

God is love in the 

fullest way possible

and we were made 

to be loved by Him.

*   *   *   *   *

Loving someone fully is hard. I have lately been thinking about what it would be like to be married to somebody: to always come back to them at the end of the day, to not be irritated with their little quirks after the thousandth occurrence, and to see all their flaws and love them regardless. Though these are only a few things required in order to maintain a long-term relationship, I started to wonder if I could love someone through these instances. Then, I looked at my life and realized that there are things I do that I don't like about myself. 
I have habits that I do that annoy myself. I struggle to be proud of myself when am aware of how flawed I am. I am messy.
"To love others you have to first love yourself," is a common phrase I have never understood until recently.  It is important to see value in your own life before you can see true and all-encompassing value in someone else.

I do not always like myself and the actions I choose to take. Sometimes it is the regret and weight of my bad choices that bring me further into depression and self-pity because I buy into the false idea that I need to be perfect to be loved.  

I have now realized if I can't find a way to love who I am even with these quirks, how am I supposed to love someone else with similar quirks? 

*    *    *    *    *

Self-improvement can be difficult, especially when someone else is doing a better job at the task you have set for yourself.  However, lately I have learned that the grass is greener where you water it. 

There is a native american legend that speaks to this effect: 

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. 

"It's a terrible fight between two wolves. 

One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, 

self-pity, guilt, pride and resentment."
He continued, "The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, 
kindness, benevolence, truth, compassion, and faith.' 

'The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too." 
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, 

"Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, 

"The one you feed."

(Reference: http://www.virtuesforlife.com/two-wolves/)

I like this analogy because it reflects how we struggle with the two sides to our nature. One side is the flesh and sinful side, the other is the side made in the image of God, meant to glorify Him by our actions. It is very important to make sure that you encourage your good choices, and work to eliminate your bad choices. I know it is a long, hard, tedious and, sometimes, never-ending process. There are many things I need to work on with myself, but we all must realize that God loves us through the times when we give into our sinful side. (True, He hates the impurity of sin and there are repercussions of our actions, but He is a Holy and caring God who loves us on an incomprehensible level.)

*    *    *    *    *

To give you a small peek into why you are so treasured by God, realize that you are special and do not have to be like someone else to be invaluable. Have you ever thought about the fact that you are the only one with your exact experiences?  Your point of view on the world is different than anyone else's. Though we may live through similar situations, we are all unique. Dr Seuss says, "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There's no one alive who is you-er than you!"

With the variety of identification options we have today, it is important to be genuine and to find your identity in Christ because He is the only being who sees us for who we genuinely are.

I know many people say, "Find your identity in Christ." But what does that look like?  I've found that to be like God is to love others, because God is love. God loves you. He loves the you that you are right now!  But He also wants you to show others the same kind of love He has shown us. 

Let's consider the flowers. There are many types of flowers in the world: roses, carnations, daisies, lilies, etc... Many individual buds world-wide within those types, even.  I assure you that no one flower is identical, just like people. What a good thing, too! How boring would it be to see everyone with the exact same outfits? Also, if everyone enjoyed turtle tracks ice cream, there would be less of it for the world. (Let's not let that happen.) At the end of it all, be you and be the best you possible.

If you fall into the trap of comparison or into the pit of despair like I find myself in often, realize in the end it will be okay as long as you constantly remember you are unconditionally loved, that you are created for a purpose, and that you can continue to grow from this muck, because:

You are no common rose!

Author in the Woods

Here beside the ongoing babble of the brook,

Beneath the bridge that reminds me of falling leaves

Both a beautiful red, yet also decaying,

I wrote a verse, a poem, if you will.

It flowed like the stream I could feel tickling my toes,

With words as piercing to the soul as a bird's call to the ear.

Upon this creek-side rock I sat with pen upon paper,

A slight drizzle like the falling of snow.

It was a perfect fit to the mellowness of the mood.

Mountain People & Contra

   People of the mountains are among some of my favorite to watch, especially when they are dancing. Swirling on the dance floor is a strange combination of somber attitudes and energetic movements.

  Each have an unspoken unity of pride in the mountains, which belong to no man, yet claimed by all.

  Mountain women seem stern and firm, but when they swivel between the seemingly unorganized patterns of people, to the listening eye, there can be spotted a hidden joy revealed in the corners of her eyes. The prettiest thing to see is the long handmade skirts bearing earthy designs that tickle to life at the edge of a twirl.
  Time-worn, wrinkly fingers, that look fragile and frail yet feel strong and rough, grasp five tender fingers to allemande left. The kind of fingers that have seen not yet half of the years the prior had.
  On stage, the fiddle, the dulcimer, and banjo play a tone that these mountain folk have accepted as their own second heart beat. The mumble of the caller causing occasional rhythmic interruptions to the sounds of the mountain people stomping in long lines. A holler goes up as these people march back and forth. It sings of freedom, joy, and, pride.
  Everyone finishes the song with one last spinning of their partners only to applaud the musicians  for the gift of one last dance before the long, hard day of work begins again.

  It is clear to me these mountain people love their folk.

Shattered

There once was a girl as normal as you and I,
She studied and thought and played all with heart.
She looked up from her studies one day and exclaimed,
"Why haven't I seen you before? and from where have you come?
He looked at her and said, "Nowhere and no matter," with the cutest of smiles.
"But come with me now to a world full of windows and castles."
With a twinkle in his deep, wonderful eyes he reached for her hand.

Right then she sighed.

She was startled, not by touch nor by embrace,
But only the memory held in its place.
She sighed once again and put down her books,
Then stared out the window with the most longing of looks.
She saw the usual: trees and such
Then she saw an old couple, the man on a crutch.
They laughed and talked along their stroll.
To find a friend like that would surely be luck.
There's still time she thought as she pulled back her books.

Turning up the music, she laughed
Why do I worry? Why do I care?
If I am who I am, then there is nothing to fear.
What, then, is this we girls put ourselves through?
Is it not better to wait for the day before its coming?
Not to dream about him, nor dream about that,
But rather be thankful that nothing, save dreams, have shattered.


*This is a poem I wrote a couple years ago. Today I found, edited, and have (obviously) published it. I don't normally like to describe my poems, but this one begs for it. I wrote it after I realized my high school crush didn't like me back, the reality I had built up in my own mind was a fairy tale, and, that I wanted a longer-lasting relationship that that one could ever have grown into. For now, I am content to grow in my Christ-centered identity and wait for The Master of the Universe to carry out my life, whichever path that might be. Also, I am currently working on a non-love story piece (for a change, Ha!), so be on the lookout later on this month!

Love Me Not

I think to myself how stupid to stay in my room when there's great potential for a beautiful and budding relationship with the strangers I passed daily. Reality hits then and cuts like a knife: my selfish pride, my failures and faults. That time when I was running my lip and couldn't catch it in time to keep from tripping on all these awkward words as they stumble out.

 I am clumsy, I am dull, but worst of all I am a girl.

 A girl needs someone to depend on, a friend to stand beside who's not afraid to catch her too.  A girl needs someone spontaneous in her life who will surprise her with small gifts of kindness or a hug from behind. A girl needs someone to see beyond her fears and love her as she is. A girl needs a place to direct her passion, the kind that fits best in a heart.

What a blasted curse it is to be a girl when you're alone.

An Old Cabin

Upon this spot I rest.
I think a bird has built a nest.
My deck holds much wear
though my floors are quite bare.

My wooden walls with much decay
have seen faces of dismay.
Joy and happiness too, I've seen,
Pensive persons and perhaps some mean.

If years were pennies, I'd have two dollars,
but that don't make sense here in these hollers.
Pull up a chair and rock for a spell
and note the sillage of memories.